My Early Morning Blog

I decided to watch a few Scrubs episodes today. Man Zach Braff really can wrap a life lesson into any final five minutes of an episode. Two episodes in particular really got me. My TCW where he ends it saying "Nothing sucks more than being alone, no matter how many people are around." Man that is pretty good for me ever since my last girlfriend. I've been talking to plenty of women and been on a few dates but nothing so far has seemed to stick. This weekend I plan to hang out with a girl I've known since senior year. She is cute and a really cool person so I hope that works out. I am very lonely, and quite tired of it.

A great rant comes to mind from Zach Braff ending with "The only thing that gives me comfort is when I'm sitting home alone staring at the ceiling just wishing I had someone to talk to is knowing that none of you realize how lucky you are" I look at everyone around and most of them are very lucky and have someone. I would give anything to have someone there laying with me atleast it would help me fall asleep.

Another ending that seemed to stick was from My Cold Shower, in which JD realizes he should be proposing to Elliot. At the end he says "It should of been me," which makes me think of plenty of times I've had the feeling of "It should of been me." It's crazy to think I can already look back on my life so far and think it.

I spent some of my day hanging out with my friends girlfriend. It was fun and it's always a blast to hang out with her. Then headed out with a buddy to watch and MST3K, once I get a damn job I am buying that Mitchel vs. Rowsdower t-shirt. After that I sat at my computer pondering on blogging and playing some video games. Instead I cruised some forums for a laugh and then blogged.

Saturday is graduation for the '09 class which is cool since I know some people in it. I am mainly going for the girl I mentioned above. After that I am going to her house to hangout with her at her grad party and plan on asking her out on a date. Perhaps to see a movie... Or is that to cliche? Sad thing is I have 2 women on the mind and I'm not sure how either of them will work out. Both of these girls are cute and awesome. Both of them are pretty good friends, but I know who I would choose over anyone any day.

I am getting closer and closer to 20, I'm starting to feel old since it felt like just a few years ago I was back on Felician St. hanging out with ghetto friends and friends passed. Looking back I try to pick out the best moments of my life but it's hard, everything about my life has been hard. Memories riddled with fighting parents, frightened to walk to school alone, and all the death around me. I feel bad now... Whenever someone dies around me or someone loses someone close to them I feel kind of numb. Since I was 16 I've been to 5 funerals, I've spent my time visiting graves and crying. To tell the truth I just feel worn out, when one of my good friends died I watched everyone around me cry while I sat there no tears on my face and a stoic look. I had been there too many times to want to go through the steps and watch myself fall apart all over again.

Anyways I should lay down and try to sleep. I'm sure I'll be up in a few hours wishing to be asleep.